Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
