I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
