just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
