the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
