You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
