he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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