the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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