I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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