I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Non-Jews are for practice
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
