There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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