"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize