And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize