if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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