also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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