Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
