Welp...herpes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
