The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
