Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How's work?
Spinning.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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