just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
