So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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