Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
