Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am available for nakedness
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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