how can u be prego again
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
