And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
