I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
