Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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