No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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