Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
