whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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