i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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