I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
