Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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