I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
