carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
