i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
