The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
