youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
