The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
