After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
