the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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