She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize