toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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