There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
