I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
