if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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