If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize