there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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