he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
