If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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