we have pet lesbian snakes
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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