I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
