you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
