Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Don't make out with my wife yet
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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