Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
