Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
