I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I cannot find my penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
