She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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