Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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