Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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