Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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