wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
