All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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