Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
