oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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