before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
