If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
