It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
