If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
