the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
