Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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