I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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