So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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