i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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