That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
