They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
