You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
