On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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