He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
