i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
