Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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